We saw Captain Marvel this weekend and it was good. There, that’s it. Go see the movie, then spend the next couple of days eyeballing your cat.

Okay, okay. A little more in depth, then. But no spoilers.

It starts off slow. Like the first, eh, third of the movie is slow. There’s a couple of cool fight scenes, but otherwise it’s all exposition and plotwork, and it’s a bit dry. Most of the funny happens in the middle third. The final third is a whole lot of smash-’em-up fun.

Brie Larson did a great job as Carol Danvers. She was funny and tough and a lot of fun to watch.

There’s a good plot twist. Goose kind of steals every scene he’s in. Seeing a young Nick Fury, before he becomes the badass super-spy of the Iron Man and Avengers movies, is kind of a hoot.

The CGI used to de-age Sam Jackson is pretty damn good, but there are a couple of scenes where he’s running or fighting and you can totally see he still moves like a 70-year-old man, and that’s a little bit unintentionally hilarious.

The CGI used to de-age Clark Gregg is slightly less good – looks a bit plasticky in a couple of scenes.

The movie was full of references to 90’s nostalgia, including shot-for-shot remakes of a few 90’s films for some of the action bits, references and homages to other 90’s films, and a Stan Lee cameo that made Kevin Smith cry.

I’m pretty sure they used every decent 90’s song available in the soundtrack, and that came to about 7 songs. The 90’s were a musical desert.

Overall the movie was a good origin story, and left me more excited to see a sequel, now that we’ve got all the exposition out of the way. Also, I’m really looking forward to seeing Captain Marvel in Endgame.

5 Things to Read Today (Mostly with Spoilers)

Of particular interest today is item number 3, from the News & Observer, which is live-blogging the investigation into the absentee ballot tampering scandal in North Carolina. Also worth a look is #5, where an engineer on Twitter tackles the Monsters, Inc. “scare floor” and redesigns it for better safety and efficiency.

  1. CNN: California AG Becerra says states to sue over Trump’s national emergency declaration
  2. Politico: McCabe: ‘I was fired because I opened a case against the president’
  3. News & Observer: Bladen County operative ‘told us what we were to say’ at hearing, worker testifies
  4. LA Times: Rare L.A. mega-storm could overwhelm dam and flood dozens of cities, experts say
  5. Twitter: Engineer takes on Monsters, Inc. “scare floor”

Maaaan. They’re doing another Ghostbusters sequel/reboot/thing.

This one’s going to be in the Bill Murray/Dan Aykroyd/etc. “universe,” not a sequel to the 2016 Ghostbusters, and I just, uugh.

I enjoyed the 2016 Ghostbusters. It was funny and fun, Chris Hemsworth was a gem, and Kate McKinnon’s Jillian was the best. I thought it had a few problems. Leslie Jones was pretty underserved by her character, for starters. They should have given her something better to work with. But overall? Good movie. Laughed my ass off.

Then the Internet’s Pissbaby Men’s League got their knickers all in a twist over the movie because – *gasp!* – there were girls in it. If you don’t remember, it turned into a whole bullshit thing. They deliberately tanked the scores for the movie on review sites. If you mentioned the movie on social media (particularly Twitter), pissbabies ganged up on you and shat all over your account.

It was endless. They chased Leslie Jones off Twitter with horrific, racist abuse. Parts of Twitter and Reddit were wall-to-wall fat jokes and hate for Melissa McCarthy.

All because they put girls in a Ghostbusters movie.

Now they’re doing this sequel/reboot/whatever thing in the “original universe” and there’s already pissbabies crowing about it on Twitter and shitting up women’s tweets about it. And I just…

If I have to listen to one more crybaby who’s mad because he’s such a socially-inept trash person that he can’t get laid so he’s mad about women doing literally anything and turns up for every new inclusive nerd thing to shit all over it, my hand to god, I will lose my entire damn mind.

See, here’s the thing: I grew up watching Ghostbusters. I loved the first movie, I loved the cartoon, I even loved the considerably less-than-stellar Ghostbusters II. I had the toys, I think I even dressed as a Ghostbuster for Halloween once. I loved Ghostbusters 2016.

I want to love this new movie (assuming it even gets made, which is up in the air, since they’ve been trying to make a third Ghostbusters for like 30 years and it hasn’t happened yet).

But now Ghostbusters is a thing. And if I go see the movie, or talk about it, I have to feel like I’m somehow supporting or encouraging the Pissbaby Men’s League. Like, I just want to watch people be funny and fight ghosts with weird laser guns.

I’m living in a golden age of nerddom, and all the nerdy things I love are getting more and more inclusive of women and non-white and non-straight/cis people (well, that one’s moving a bit slower, but we’re getting there), and I feel like the things I love are now more available for more people to love, which is awesome. Except every time someone tries to open up a new realm of nerddom for more people to enjoy, this little clique of assholes rages up and shits all over everyone, and ruins it.

It’s just so tedious and tiresome.

So, assuming they manage to make a new Ghostbusters, I dunno. I probably won’t bother watching it in the theater. Not sure I’ll bother renting it or even Netflixing it. I just can’t stand the idea of encouraging these assholes anymore.

We got a Far From Home trailer! Mysterio looks great. I’m looking forward to Nick Fury and Spider-Man. Kind of weird to see Nick Fury all… Nick Fury-ed up, though. He’d ditched SHIELD after Civil War, then we saw him driving around with Maria Hill briefly at the end of Infinity War, having dropped his “incognito” look for full Fury regalia. No explanations given for that, so I’m hoping we find out what he’s been up to since Civil War, either in Spider-Man 2 or Endgame.

I do feel bad for Far From Home, having to follow Into the Spider-verse. That bar has been set pretty damn high, folks.

Okay, let’s read some stuff!

  • The Atlantic: Animals Keep Creating Mysteries by Sounding Weird – Okay, remember how there were those “sonic attacks” that American diplomats were dealing with in Cuba, and everyone was baffled, and people were getting brain damage and whatnot? Turns out: Crickets. Crickets and bullshit, apparently, as that whole “permanent brain damage” thing was based on wildly flimsy evidence.
  • Chuck Wendig: In Which I Rank Grocery Store Apples – Chuck Wendig is an author with a highly entertaining Twitter account, and one of the things he occasionally does on Twitter is review heirloom apples (hilariously). Well, apple season is pretty much over, so he’s reviewing grocery store apples (hilariously).
  • Lifehacker: Everything You Think You Know About Toxic Shock Syndrome Is Probably Wrong – This was a pretty informative and interesting read about TSS, a rare disease vagina-having people can get from putting things in their vaginas. (Mostly tampons, but not always.) It’s long, but worth a read, especially if you have a vagina you need to take care of.

And that’s all I’ve got today. The rest is all politics, and really, there’s not much new there to report. We’re still shut down, Trump and the GOP are still trash, everything is awful, all that jazz. But hey, The Flash is back on tonight, so that’s something to look forward to.

Apropos of nothing else in this post, the 2019 Game of Thrones teaser trailer is out this morning. The season’s scheduled for April 2019. Let’s all hope we make it that long.

Also, a trailer dropped yesterday for Detective Pikachu, a live-action Pokemon movie starring Ryan Reynolds as the voice of Pikachu. This movie is going to be a white hot mess and I am here for it, y’all.

5 Things to Read Today

⚖️ AP: FBI: 17% Spike In Hate Crimes In 2017 Marks Rise For 3rd Year In A Row

Hate crime reports were up again for 2017, making three years for increases in hate crimes. Hate crimes against Jewish people were up 37% in 2017.

🔥 Lifehacker: What Trump Gets Wrong About California’s Wildfires

Trump’s been blaming “bad forest management” for the California wildfires, which is BS. These are “urban interface” fires, which means they started in areas where people had built homes around flammable areas. The reason the fires are so bad is – drum roll, please – climate change, of course.

📰 CNN: CNN sues President Trump and top White House aides for barring Jim Acosta

CNN just filed a lawsuit against the Trump administration to get Jim Acosta’s access to the White House restored.

Meanwhile, the Trump administration has changed their story about why Acosta’s press pass was taken in the first place. The White House initially said they yanked Acosta’s press pass because he hit one of the press interns, and tired to back that claim up with an altered video of the incident. Clearly that wasn’t going to fly, so now they’re trying to say Acosta’s press pass was pulled because he wouldn’t yield the mic to the intern.

🏛️ ABC News: Trump planning shakeup, eyeing new chief of staff and DHS secretary: Sources

Apparently Trump’s fixin’ to fire John Kelly, his Chief of Staff, and Kirstjen Nielsen, Kelly’s handpicked replacement at Homeland Security.

Trump’s decided he hates Kelly, and that’s fine, because Kelly’s a hateful trash person. Unfortunately, he’s also one of the so-called “adults in the room,” and god only knows what slow-motion train wreck Trump’ll get to replace him.

Kirstjen Nielsen is the hardline hate machine responsible for enacting Kelly’s plans for separating children from their parents at the border, the child concentration camps, and other atrocities, and she’s apparently being fired for not being enough of a hardline hate machine.

Hold on, kids. Shit’s gonna get real rocky before the Dems take the House in January.

👨‍⚖️ NBC News: State of Maryland asks judge to declare Rosenstein acting attorney general

To wrap things up, Maryland is asking a federal judge to declare Rod Rosenstein the acting attorney general, instead of Matt Whitaker, the toady Trump tired to – possibly unconstitutionally – appoint to the job.

I’m not sure that’ll actually work? I dunno, folks, we’re getting deep in the weeds when it comes to the legal guts of government.

As far as I can tell, Rosenstein should have become acting attorney general when Sessions was fired, and Trump should not have appointed a replacement, because there was already a chain of command in place. That seems to be the prevailing argument at any rate.

We’re almost finished with the second season of “The Good Place,” and this show is delightful. We’re apparently the last people to know that. But in case we’re not, and you haven’t watched it either, you should. It’s on Netflix.

5 Things to Read Today

💣 NBC News: Two packages sent to Joe Biden, one to Robert De Niro match other mailed pipe bombs

More mailed pipe bombs, this time to former VP Joe Biden and Robert De Niro, Bombs have also been sent to the Clintons, the Obamas, George Soros, John Brennan/CNN, former AG Eric Holder, and Rep. Maxine Waters. You can read more about this in the New York Times, Vox and NBC News. JJ McNab, extremist expert, has some thoughts in this Twitter thread, too.

📱 New York Times: When Trump Phones Friends, the Chinese and the Russians Listen and Learn

Trump’s using an unsecured iPhone to make calls to whatever passes for his friends, and the Chinese, Russians, and let’s be honest here, probably others, are listening in. Not a guess, this is apparently a thing our intelligence people know. The good news is that since Trump doesn’t read anything and can’t be bothered to learn anything, he’s probably not giving away that much. (That’s a joke. You know he’s bragging up any classified information he’s managed to retain, constantly, to everyone.)

🇲🇽 CNN: Mattis expected to send 800 more troops to southern border

You must be aware by now that there’s an extremely large caravan of refugees, mostly from Honduras, headed our way. There are several thousand of them, and they plan to seek refugee status when they get here. They’re weeks away. Also, unarmed, and likely exhausted. Probably sick and hungry, too. Mattis is sending troops to the border to “stop them.” It’s a political stunt. You can read more about the caravan itself at Vox.

🌀 Vox: Super Typhoon Yutu, one of the strongest storms ever, just pulverized a US territory

I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but there’s a frickin’ massive typhoon tearing ass through the Pacific Ocean right now, and it just wiped out a couple of islands that are US territories.

👽 Nerd Processor: E.T. Is Secretly the Scariest Movie of All Time

And finally, to wrap things up on a lighter (?) note, Rob Bricken explains in his new column, Nerd Processor, that E.T. is actually a monster, and I really can’t argue with it.