If Trump actually defected to Russia, that *might* have been worse than what he did today.

The President of the United States stood on foreign soil and trash-talked the security apparatus of America, and America itself, while kissing the entire ass of an oppressive dictator who seeks to directly harm us and destroy our democracy.

So, uh. All that happened. The President of the United States stood on foreign soil and trash-talked the security apparatus of America, and America itself, while kissing the entire ass of an oppressive dictator who seeks to directly harm us and destroy our democracy. That is a thing we witnessed happening live on TV in the year of our lord 2018. Yep.

I mean, I really, honestly don’t know what to say about all that. I’m just sitting here tallying up my credentials and thinking to myself, “No way am I gonna be able to immigrate to Canada. Fuck, I can’t even remember if that usage is supposed to be ‘immigrate’ or ’emigrate.’ I’m too dumb for Canada.”

(I just Googled it. It’s “immigrate.” See, Canada? I can learn. I even already like poutine.)

So, of course, everyone had statements to make. The GOP made a lot of disapproving noises, but I mean, that’s all they’re gonna do. They’re not going to act against Trump, or censure him, or impeach him, or anything useful, because they’re a bunch of sociopathic opportunists who don’t even have the common decency to be actually evil. They’re just greedy and power hungry.

I don’t know what to tell you about all that. Just make damn sure you’re register to vote, that you stay registered to vote, and that you actually get your ass out and vote on election day, folks.

Reading List

5TtRT: Brett Kavanaugh, the new Mueller indictments & more

Here’s a handful of articles about the new Mueller indictments that came down today, plus a bit from SCotUSBlog about Brett Kavanaugh, and a funny bit from Ars Technica.

Couple of quick notes, here.

The escape room burglar? Is absolutely the best thing I’ve read all week. I’ve been dying all morning over this.

Since this is the first time I’m linking to them that I can think of, Emptywheel is a professional blog written by lawyers, independent journalists, and writers and experts of various stripes. The writer of the article linked below is Marcy Wheeler, an independent natsec journalist who’s published articles at various professional news outlets and other publications, been on TV, and is an all-around reliable reporter.

Vox.com has several articles about today’s election hacking news and indictments, so it’s worth heading over there for a scroll through their front page.

5 Things to Read Today

All right, folks, it’s Friday. Get outta here.

The Restaurant Commandments

The Restaurant Commandments were written by a couple of my restaurant co-workers back in 2005, 2006, somewhere around then. They’re based on real things we had to deal with.

The Restaurant Commandments were written by a couple of my restaurant co-workers back in 2005, 2006, somewhere around then. They’re based on real things we had to deal with.

The Restaurant Commandments

  1. Thou must giveth generously to those who wait upon thee, lest thy cup runneth empty and thy meat groweth cold. Long shall be thy wait, and lonely shall be thy days if thine pursestrings be tight.
  2. Thou shalt not write checks. Ever. For they are an abomination unto the cashiers and forbidden unto you as unclean things.
  3. Thou shalt not demand the discount of 10% for lo, we offereth not such unto seniors, nor verily unto any. Asketh not!
  4. Yea, we honor the Visa and Mastercard, yet cast down the Discover and the American Express unto the pit, and accept them not, for they are unworthy.
  5. Thou and thy children, and all thy generations, must don thy shoes and cover thy nakedness when thou crosseth our threshold for such is the law and it pleaseth us mightily to require this.
  6. Be thou warned that powers great and small forbid thou to bringest outside foods and beverages unto our presence, for they are not holy to us.
  7. Placeth not thy seat before the entry ways, nor shall thee clutter the walkways, neither with thineself, nor with thy belongings. Yet most assuredly thou must never place an infant in the path, lest the child come to harm.
  8. Lo, it is forbidden to enter unto the wait station, for it is sacred unto us and thou art not.
  9. Thou shalt not smoke cigars nor pipes, nor anything else which doth stink and offend. Hark! Be ye warned that it is not permitted that children might smoke.
  10. That thy days may be long upon the Earth, provoke not the servers unto tears, nor the Keeper of the Keys unto wrath, for by so doing, thou bringeth destruction down upon thy head and thou shalt perish.

50 Things I’m Not Allowed To Do At Work Anymore

This was originally written sometime in 2006, back when I was still managing restaurants, by me and a couple of co-workers.

This was originally written sometime in 2006, back when I was still managing restaurants, by me and a couple of co-workers. These are based almost entirely on true stories and events, or decisions that were very nearly made before other, more sensible managers stepped in.

50 Things I’m Not Allowed To Do At Work Anymore

  1. I am not to tell the owners “the truth.” Even if it is.
  2. When asked what’s in a BLT, I’m not to answer, “Bagel, lemmings, and Tabasco.”
  3. If the cook dies on line, I’m not to stuff the body under the prep sinks and continue to cook the rush myself.
  4. Nor am I allowed to tie a spatula in his hands and prop him against the grill until the owner comes in and finds him.
  5. I am not to greet the general manager while wearing a neckful of Mardi Gras beads, and smile mysteriously when he asks how I got them.
  6. If I do so anyway, I’m not to spend the rest of the morning bragging about my tips.
  7. And eventually, one of us will have to explain to the general manager how one actually gets Mardi Gras beads.
  8. We may not wait until the boss is drinking his coffee to do so, just to see him spurt coffee out his nose.
  9. There was not a wedge of cheese going into the bathroom all by itself.
  10. Wait a minute, yes there was.
  11. I am not allowed to sell the other waitresses to my customers. Not even if they agree to it.
  12. Nor am I allowed to sell the managers.
  13. I am also not allowed to sell any of the equipment, even if I have warned the boss that I will sell anything that isn’t nailed down. Not even if the guy I sell it to has his own truck.
  14. I am not allowed to wash an omelet, wring it out, and serve it anyways. Not even if the five-second rule applies.
  15. Nor am I allowed to pass off a plate of shredded cheese and tomatoes as an omelet to the drunk at booth 5.
  16. Not allowed to take the plate back, wait five minutes, and reserve it as the remake. Even if the customer falls for it.
  17. If the food is running late, I am not allowed to set the ticket on fire, blow it out, present it to the waiting table, and explain sadly that there’s been a small accident in the kitchen, but we’ve got it under control now, and we’ll have their food out in a few minutes. Even if everyone at the table buys the story.
  18. I’m not allowed to serve the pastel dinner mints as hor d’ouerves.
  19. Not even if I spike them on the frilly toothpicks first.
  20. I’m not allowed to let the ferret into the restaurant, even if it is cuter and more well mannered than the rest of the customers.
  21. That goes for puppies, too.
  22. And snakes, and kittens.
  23. All animals, really.
  24. No, customers do not count as animals.
  25. I can, however, let the dishwasher sneak his pet rat into the restaurant, provided the customers don’t spot it.
  26. When asked by a customer, “What’s in a ham and cheese omelet?” I am not allowed to slap them.
  27. However, if the cook asks, I can slap him.
  28. If the dishwasher asks me how to get up to the marquee to change the sign while standing right next to the ladder, I am not allowed to tell him to put the letters on the ground, shinny up the pole to the sign, and holler until we come out and throw the letters “to” him.
  29. Not allowed to name the cockroaches.
  30. The “five second rule” never applies.
  31. Can’t dare the cooks to “snatch the French fry out of the fryer, grasshopper.”
  32. Not allowed to try and flip the eggs over the Ansel system pipes.
  33. Not allowed to pull the Ansel system for any kitchen fire that is smaller than a VW Bug.
  34. Kitchen fires must be larger than a breadbox before I can use the fire extinguisher.
  35. Not allowed to beat the dishwasher to death for insisting that he’s washing the glasses even while he has a dinner plate right in his hands.
  36. No matter how badly everyone else wants him beat to death.
  37. Not allowed to send new dishwashers or cooks to find pickles in the (non-existent) basement.
  38. While I do have the authority to bar people out of my restaurant location, I am not allowed to bar them out of our location in Hell, too.
  39. If a customer calls up to ask if we have fish on our seafood buffet, I am not allowed to answer, “No, dumbass!” and hang up.
  40. Coffee pots are not to be used as riot control, no matter how big the bar fight has gotten.
  41. The answer is not always, “More gravy.”
  42. Nor is it “More whip cream.”
  43. Not allowed to charge a cover on slow nights for the back dining room.
  44. “Sensible black shoes and thumbs” are not our only prerequisite for hiring, no matter how short handed we are.
  45. Not allowed to temporarily hire cooks from other restaurants to help out when they wander in to eat.
  46. Training shall consist of more than “Here’s your pad and pen. Go take orders.”
  47. Management training shall consist of more than “Here’s your keys. Have a nice night!”
  48. Notes in the manager’s log book will have more detail than “Waitress running late, ran over ex-husband with car.”
  49. I may not take money out of the till to make my waitress’ bail, no matter how badly I need them.
  50. That goes for cooks, too.

Trump’s SCotUS Nominee: Judge Brett Kavanaugh

Trump nominated Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court of the United States and let’s be honest, here, this dude is gonna get confirmed.

Trump nominated Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court of the United States and let’s be honest, here, this dude is gonna get confirmed. We can kick and scream about it, but it’s almost certainly going to happen. And that’s gonna be bad.

Start thinking about how to deploy harm reduction strategies in your life now. If you’re a member of a marginalized community or a woman, best get your ass to a blue state ASAP. Get an IUD. Stock up on Plan B (it’s got a 4-year shelf life, FYI).

It’s going to get real ugly before we can start making it better, folks.

  1. CNN: Where Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh stands on key issues
  2. Vox: Brett Kavanaugh likely gives the Supreme Court the votes to overturn Roe. Here’s how they’d do it.
  3. Washington Post: 4 big questions about Brett Kavanaugh
  4. Politico: Brett Kavanaugh: Who is he? Bio, facts, background and political views
  5. NPR: Who Is Brett Kavanaugh, President Trump’s Pick For The Supreme Court?

Vote, people. (Also, SCotUS & 5TtRT)

Vote. Register to vote. Make sure you *stay* registered to vote. Then get your butt out on voting day, and make your voice heard.

Vote. Register to vote. Make sure you stay registered to vote. Then get your butt out on voting day, and make your voice heard. It’s the single most important thing you can do to stop Trump’s awful agendas. It’s important. And yes, your vote counts – now more than ever.

5 Things to Read Today

SCotUS

Trump’s supposed to announce his supreme court pick at 9pm tonight. Don’t worry about who exactly it is; they’re going to be awful. There isn’t a whole lot we can do about it, either. One thing you can do is call your elected representatives and raise hell, particularly if you have a GOP rep.

Use 5Calls.org or CallYourRep.co for numbers and scripts, but the script part is pretty easy. Give them your name, tell them where you live, and that you’re a constituent. Then tell them that you believe that the American people should have a say in who the next SCotUS justice is, and that the vote should be delayed until the next Congress is seated. Be polite, be civil, be brief.

5TtRT: News You Missed While We Were All Talking About Immigration, the SCotUS, & Shootings

One quick thing I wanted to mention before I get off the Internet for the weekend: Back in February the DHS released an article that’s, um… not sure how to describe it. Nazi-ish?

One quick thing I wanted to mention before I get off the Internet for the weekend: Back in February the DHS released an article that’s, um… not sure how to describe it. Nazi-ish? Here’s the article: We Must Secure The Border And Build The Wall To Make America Safe Again.

So, you can read the article and at first blush probably you’re not gonna notice anything weird about it. But what set everyone off is that the first part of the title, “We Must Secure,” is part of the neo nazi “14 Words” mantra, and that near the bottom of the article, it uses a weird ratio, “13 out of 88” claims. “88” is another nazi call-out.

You can read about this here: Twitter Explodes After Homeland Security Headline Appears to Mimic ’14-Words’ Neo-Nazi Slogan.

I don’t know if someone at the DHS is a neo nazi, if a bunch of someones at the DHS are neo nazis, or if this is just a conspiracy theory. Here’s what I do know: The “white power” movement has been trying to infiltrate government jobs and police forces for ten years or more, and they’ve had a fair amount of success at it.

News You Missed While We Were All Talking About Immigration, the SCotUS, & Shootings