Thoughts & Essays

Re: Jeffrey Toobin

You know how they tell you that if you’re handling a gun you should always behave like it’s loaded? Same for a camera: If you’re sitting in front of one, always behave like it’s turned on.

🔗 Vice: New Yorker Suspends Jeffrey Toobin for Masturbating on Zoom Call

Seeing lots of defenses like this online:

I know this is wild, but hear me out: you could not jerk off during a work meeting. I feel like “not jerking off during a work meeting” is a pretty goddamn low bar to set.

I’m a little baffled at how many “accidents” people are having on zoom meetings. Like people walking by nekkid in the background and whatnot. When I have a zoom meeting, I announce that to the whole world, just to avoid that sort of thing. Like, I get kids and pets wandering into the call, that stuff just happens, no big. But letting your S.O. walk into the room nude or even just in jammies without pre-warning them? I would never. I’ve woke my boyfriend out of a sound sleep to warn him about a meeting.

But that’s different than some jackass jerking off in a work meeting. For starters, jerking off is something you do in your own time. Even if you’re doing the WFH thing. So right from the outset, Toobin’s fucking up, and in a way any sensible person should know to avoid.

Look, you’re working from home, no one’s breathing down your neck, if you decide to take a few and diddle your business in the middle of the day when no one’s gonna know, fine, whatever.

But if you’re on a work call? Like, on the actual phone, or on a zoom meeting, even if your camera is off, you keep that shit zipped up. Literally everyone should know that. That’s just basic common knowledge and decency, there.

That Toobin violated that common decency? Speaks to him being the sort of guy who gets off on violating others whenever he thinks he can get away with it. That’s the kind of shit abusers do.

Featured image: Jeffrey Toobin, 2007, by Ed Schipul. (CC BY-SA 2.0)