Thoughts & Essays

Elseworlds, Part Three

I don’t even know how to explain the finale to you. I mean, for one thing, it was wild and crazy, and the big finishing fight made zero sense whatsoever, and I didn’t even care.

I told my boyfriend last night that my whole blog today was just going to be “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” for like twenty paragraphs. Holy crap, you guys. This year’s crossover was amazeballs.

I’m not going to do a blow-by-blow recap of this episode because it was a very busy and very silly episode. If you want a recap, you can get one here.

Let’s instead just fangirl all over some of the cooler bits of the episode.

First up, let’s talk about that big finishing fight. The plan that Ollie, Barry, Kara and Superman concoct is 100% complete and utter plot macguffin bullshit, y’all, and my boyfriend was so outraged by it. I personally did not care even a tiny little bit because it was so much fan service fun. But FYI, this plan is total drivel.

Barry and Kara decide that if they both fly around the Earth, in opposite directions, at mach 7, they can slow down time long enough for Superman to use the magic book.

(By the way, the magic book? Turned out to be the Book of Souls from Destiny. For the uncomicked, the Book of Souls belongs to Destiny of the Endless, a character from Neil Gaiman’s Sandman series. None of the Endless show up in the crossover, but kind of cool that they got a bit of a name drop, eh?)

Which, no. That is not how speed works. That is not how time works. That isn’t how, like, anything works. Also, even if time and speed and the Earth’s rotation did work that way, it’s not going to slow down time for everyone but Superman. Time is relative. If they slow down time for everyone, things are still happening at the same pace everywhere to the people involved.

No part of this plans makes any kind of sense or would in anyway work. It is pure foolishness. But it did get us an homage to the original Superman movie, which was pretty much the whole point as far as I can tell, so I’ll allow it.

Flying in opposite directions at mach 7 to slow time will arbitrarily kill both Kara and Barry. Don’t worry, though, Oliver has an idea: go yell at the Monitor until he gets his way, which, I mean, okay? Stephen Amell is kind of an intimidating guy. If he yelled at me I’d be all “Jeez, fine, relax,” too.

Okay, okay. That’s not exactly what happens. What exactly happens is that Oliver makes some kind of mysterious deal with the Monitor to save Barry and Kara’s lives. Because I guess he’s been hanging out with Dean and Sam over on Supernatural when we weren’t looking and thought that mysterious deals with omniscient supernatural enemies were a solid idea. It always works out well for the Winchester boys, right?

This episode wasn’t as humor-oriented as the previous two episodes, but we did get some good bits. Barry nearly vomiting after Oliver puts a whole group of kids in danger to distract SuperDeegan had me in stitches. The bit with Brainy and AMAZO was fantastic. Evil!Cisco was a hoot. Gary, from Legends of Tomorrow? His cameo was awesome. That was actually my big (non-finale-reveal) SQUEE! moment this episode.

Supergirl is not as big on humor as The Flash – or even Arrow – is, though. What the Supergirl writer’s room does well is heart. And we got some great, heart-felt moments here. The scenes with Kara and the Earth 1 version of Alex Danvers were excellent, but the real knock-out winner was the epilogue with Clark and Kara, and Superman and Lois. The reveal on Lois’ pregnancy and Clark proposing were just… I mean, AWWWW.

And he proposed with a ring he made from charcoal, like in the Superman movies! AWWW.

(I’d like to take a moment to point out that this whole bit, with Supes and Lois moving off to Argo for the baby and whatnot, probably means that shit is about to get seriously real over on Supergirl, and they want to make sure that we know Superman is not. available. to help.)

But of course: the Big Reveal. Holy shit, you guys. OMG.

Psycho Pirate. The Monitor. Doctor Destiny. We’re doin’ it, you guys.

We’re doing Crisis on Infinite Earths.

Fall! 2019! OMG! It’s happening!

I mean, we knew it was going to happen eventually. We’ve been building towards this moment for several years on the CW. But holy crap. They’re going for it! AAAAH!

Is it fall yet, you guys? Now? How about now?

I don’t know what’s going to happen, or how it’s all going to shake out, or what the end result of a CW Crisis on Infinite Earths is going to be, but I can tell you that’s it’s gonna be amazing and I can’t frickin’ believe we get to see this on network TV.

Line of Night Award

Dual winners for this episode!

First: “Being bad makes me feel bad, man,” from Barry Allen, who’s about to hurl over Ollie’s crane gambit.

Second: “An enormous robot with the powers of Superman. This is exciting. Thank you for including me,” from Brainiac, going after AMAZO.

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